How It Works

Effective solutions to problems
can be simple and economical

There are important differences between truly solving problems and merely “managing” them. While it’s not possible here to give thorough explanations of how we can get to real solutions, there are 3 principles that will help you better understand problems in your organization.

Principle no. 1

Problems are normal
Problems are a regular part of being human

Conflict is within and around everyone, every day. It is disappointment with the server at lunch, frustration on the freeway, hostility from a co-worker, anger with a spouse, outrage about politicians, and a lot of other things. It is certainly a big part of your entertainment: think about your favorite motion pictures and television. It is also the basis of many popular sports.

Conflict is an internal process that manifests externally.  90% is inside you, and that is the real substance of your conflicts.  This is even true in many business conflicts—for example, conflicts about money are not always just about the money.

When conflict is truly solved, the stress related to it drains away. You feel more trust, confidence, and connection with others. Just as the break in a bone heals to be stronger than before the fracture, conflict well-solved grows organizations. The results can be seen in a number of ways, such as reduced absenteeism, increased job satisfaction, more production and profitability.

Principle no. 2

You are not
Authentic solutions require self-responsibility

Something that bothers you may not bother your friend. That spark in you can trigger a strong subconscious reaction and set off a conflict. You may want to blame the other person for causing your feelings or reactions. But the source of your discomfort is not the other person. The cause of the discomfort is in you, the person feeling it.

Take responsibility for what is aroused in you. What you say and do can inflame and expand a conflict or calm it. Each of us has a moment before we act, and you can choose to act for the better or to make things worse. You can control your actions and reactions, even when you feel out of control in the heat of conflict battles.

Principle no. 3

Identify real-needs
Authentic solutions are based
on satisfying real-needs

You cannot manage conflict—period!

Conflict cannot be solved by putting a structure around it, by making deals, or by setting rules. And just meeting surface needs helps the symptoms, but not the underlying problems. As a result, these approaches often leave people in conflict feeling manipulated, with underlying issues that can simmer and flare-up at a later time.

You can obtain successful solutions when you base them on real-needs.

You may not be aware of even your own real-needs in a conflict. Real-needs are often buried beneath layers of doubts, shoulds, defensive mechanisms, and other internal voices. You can rarely guess the real-needs of the other person in a conflict.

Working with real-needs helps you reframe problems, reevaluate goals, and refocus on the big picture. It’s easy to discover each party’s real-needs when you know how.


Like Superman, become the hero who solves your own problems in your life story.  Download the free chapter from David’s book Conflict Is Not A Sporting Event.


Discover how can benefit from conflicts and why we are so passionate about proactive solutions that can help people and organizations move forward.  Learn About Us.

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We can help you reduce the effects of current problems and proactively resolve inevitable ones in the future. Contact us for a no obligation conversation.